The New Dichotomy Between Men and Women in the Alpha/Beta Generation
As I have been browsing social media, I’ve noticed some changing trends, as in posts that have come up fairly recently and maybe reflect how a lot of people are currently feeling.
This post is not discounting healthy relationships - this goes beyond relationships and maybe shows how people (especially women) are finally attempting to express a concept we’ve been feeling for a very long time.
So first of all, I’ve noticed these posts from women online saying that they’re tired of the mental load they carry all the time. I think some men have this idea that as long as they work and are providing for their family, their job is done. Even if men are helping out with household chores, they believe they’re “helping”. Its not about “helping” - women used to say “if only he could read my mind” and men always said “We can’t read your mind!” Then, it became a communication issue with the onus on women to tell men how they were feeling, what they needed help with, etc. The problem is: WE ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER. What women need is someone who can replace them if something were to happen.
So, as a man…do you know your kids clothing and shoe size? Do you know their teachers name or when they’re next hot lunch or assembly is? If your wife were to pick up and be gone tomorrow, would you be able to take up where she left off? That’s how it should be and that’s what we need.
We don’t need a mind reader, we just need someone to care about things as much as we do. It’s really hard and lonely knowing that if we aren’t the ones to do it, the things won’t get done. (That’s usually reserved for people who are on their own - the difference here is that the single people are not busy cleaning up after anyone other than themselves).
What about birthday parties, date nights and outings? Who plans these things? It would be really nice to have someone other than us make the plans.
I have seen some men post about this online, and it’s very interesting for me to watch. I usually come across them on Facebook shorts or IG reels (I don’t have TikTok). Specifically, there’s this one psychologist that plays himself opposite from a “woman” persona that he also plays and he’s busy playing devils advocate (for women’s rights?) It’s really quite entertaining but he’s trying to educate the general populace.
I’ve also seen posts about woman saying they would rather be single - and probably not for the reason you’re thinking. It’s not because women think they can do any job that a man can (although this is true in a lot of cases), but because having a partner sometimes starts to feel like a chore and it’s simply more work and we’ve reached a breaking point.
I’m not even talking about cases where women also work outside the home and are expected to carry the mental load. (Notice I’m not talking about chores here, because that’s something that should always be shared).
On top of it all, we have to raise boys that are aware of these types of issues. First, that’s a lot of pressure because here we are, doing all the other things on top of it. How do we keep it all straight, and still get things done?
My answer? Keep a planner….
Asking for help and trying to explain are really the beginning of the end. We need to start teaching our boys to simply do better.
Sandra
