Solitude Deprivation & Anxiety in the Post-Millennial Age

“I’m bored!” my kids say to me yet again. This happens especially as soon as one of their iPads die. I’m sure you’ve heard this too from your kid, or someone’s kid. We’ve all experienced what it’s like to be bored. Sometimes you feel like you’re in a funk - there are things you could do, but you just don’t feel like doing it. For my kids, it’s generally when their devices die and now they feel like the world has come to an end; like their device is the most important thing to them.

I’ve been asking myself lately…is it ok to be bored? Why do we need to do all the things all the time? Can’t we just sit in peace and solitude and think? How many times have you done that? Just sit and think? Probably not many, and I bet you can’t count the number of times on one hand either.

I have been reading this book by Cal Newport called Digital Minamalism, and he touches on the subject of solitude deprivation. By solitude, he means spending time alone in your head, where no outside source of information is taking up space. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re alone, but no one is talking to you, you’re not reading a book or listening to music - you are alone with your thoughts. He details how we can come to this state more often - by writing in a journal, by taking long walks alone, or leaving your devices behind.

He also touches on how solitude deprivation (meaning little to no time with your own thoughts) is causing anxiety in post-millennials. I am technically considered a millennial, but I only had one baby boomer parent and the other was born in 1935, so I feel like I’m more generation X than anything. In my case, I did not have a cell phone or computer until I was 18, and most millennials do know what it was like before technology engulfed our lives. The generations after the Millennial generation have seen an increase in screen time - with phones, apps, technology, computer games and streaming services. The tech companies make big bucks the more we use their products, so they invest money in ways to keep us using it.

People today are consumed by information from outside sources. Even myself - I’m usually listening to my family, reading a book, or listening to music while I’m in my car. The only times I find myself actually developing and thinking my own thoughts are when I’m brainstorming new ideas for content, writing my blogs, journaling, gardening, when I’m walking or if I’m in a nerve-wracking situation. Even then, I usually hum to calm myself down.

If people aren’t doing some of those types of activities, they’re more than likely not in solitude. Then we wonder why our kids are experiencing so much anxiety. I also think that our kids learn from our actions - from what we do, not what we say or tell them to do. So if all they see is us consuming information and watching tv, and playing games, they think it’s ok to do the same. It’s very normalized today in our society for everyone at a park to be looking down at their phones instead of playing with their kids on the equipment for example.

So how do we change things? I can tell you it’s not easy. I’ve experienced extreme anxiety myself as soon as I think about taking my kids iPads away. What are they going to do and how are they going to react? Will they hate me? But I think that’s what we have to do. We should spend more time in nature, we should teach our kids self-sufficiency. No, your iPad or phone doesn’t have to be attached to you. We can actually leave the house without it and things will be alright. Start easy and slow - maybe limit devices in your household for a few hours a day, or make a game of it where no one is allowed to touch their devices and the first person who does so has to pay some kind of fun penalty. Make it easy, make it fun and let’s start being bored!

Thanks for reading!

Sandra

Our Son Was Born With Cystic Fibrosis

Parenting can be hard on a good day. Before kids, we always dream or imagine what life is going to be like when we get older. We’ll get married at 25, have kids at 27 and have our dream careers. At least that was my thought when I was 12. You don’t think about the things that can go wrong when you’re young. We’re strong, and basically indestructible - at least that’s how I felt until the day I had my first baby.

When I had my first child, I knew what those rich and powerful people in movies and books felt like - you know, once they have a family, now they have a weakness and people come after their kids to get money out of them. Except in my case, I now knew what it felt like to worry about stuff that wasn't even a thought in my mind before kids. I could go on forever with this one, but to name a few - when they’re learning to walk, you’re afraid they’re going to smash their face into the floor or a very sharp corner, they’re going to drown when you take them swimming, they’ll have SIDS, etc…

After my second, I thought I had it in the bag. I knew what having kids was all about at this point and I was determined to not be quite such a helicopter parent with my second. It’s a good thing I wasn't, because my girl is crazy and does things that my son would never think of. (She’s been off the diving board at the tender age of three, and also got her first stitch at the same age).

When it was time to give birth to my third child, it seemed like a series of unfortunate events unfolded. Besides for coming at a very busy time (Dec. 30th - we were in the middle of putting away the Christmas decorations), we also had an inducement appointment. I had this done with my daughter, but this experience was definitely not the same. Logan’s due date was actually Jan. 14, 2023, but considering that my daughter was born with shoulder displasia (my daughter was almost 10 pounds and her shoulder got stuck on my pelvic bone and it was difficult to get her out), the doctor thought it would be safer if we had Logan earlier than his due date.

Getting induced was not a pleasant experience for me. From having a male doctor, to the pain of it, and more from the pain of the nurse pulling the strip out - I would rather have the pain of birth again to that; trust me, it was BAD. I screamed so loud I think a couple of nurses had to check on us. The inducement to time of birth was maybe 24 hours, so really, not bad in the grand scheme of things.

The birth didn't get scary until my son’s heartbeat dropped quite drastically and the doctor threatened me with a c-section. Now I know a lot of women plan (or count) on a c-section to have their babies, but getting cut open is so much scarier than having a natural birth. The risk of infection itself is scary. Needless to say, I had my son naturally, but he was born with a lot of fluid. When they tested his oxygen level, he was at 82% and he needed to be at 94% or better. The original thought was that he was having a difficult start because of all the fluid that was in the amniotic sac.

The next thing I knew, the nurses from the NICU department were telling me they had to take my baby away for further examination and oxygen. Of course I was devastated. I was starting to come down off adrenaline, and having this huge hormone surge and I couldn't stop crying.

The next time I saw Logan was after a shower. We walked over to the NICU area, and he was hooked up to a feeding tube and an oxygen tube. I mean, those things aren’t pleasant for an adult, so imagining my baby in that position was devastating for me. The nurses advised me to start pumping milk (as much colostrum as I could anyway), and they were going to feed him by dropper into the feeding tube.

My husband thankfully stayed with me that night. I don’t think either of us got any sleep. We had a shared room, and the other couple’s baby had cried all night long.

At 5:00am the next morning, the doctor from NICU determined that Logan was good enough to be off oxygen and back with us. We were so thankful. I spent the time holding him on my chest and attempting to breastfeed. We were impatiently waiting for the pediatrician to come in and clear us so we could go home. Well, that was not to be. She came in and said Logan was too jaundiced, and he had to spend 24 hours under phototherapy.

At the same time, my mom was having difficulty with our two other kids and she wanted to go home. So Chad had to leave, and we opted for him to stay home with the kids so my mom could have a break.

A newborn is supposed to pass meconium (the liquid he swallows in-utero), and the meconium is not quite the same as a regular bowl movement. In Logan’s case, his CF undiagnosed at this point in time, he was having issues passing the meconium. When it did come out, it was like a little puff pellet that had a hard outer shell and air on the inside.

As he was laying inside the incubator that night, I was attempting to feed my baby using the dropper and my colostrum, and he started choking. I had my arms in the holes (I wasn't allowed to take him out), and I couldn't get to him fast enough. I called the nurse and told her that my baby was choking.

Faster than I knew, they wheeled him into another room, and stuck a tube down his nose and throat to get him breathing again. I was in shock this entire time, and I couldn't stop shaking. It was the hardest thing I had to watch and I had no one to support me - I was alone just as my baby was alone in that moment.

From that point on, they kept him in the NICU area. I couldn't sleep, so to distract myself, I went back to my room and actually edited a video. Remember, I was there alone at this point and I had completely forgotten that it was New Years Eve.

The next morning, I was evicted from my room. My husband came to pick me up at 11am. That was the hardest thing I ever did - leave my baby there by himself. They had to keep him there for observation and care. He had dropped in weight to a dangerous level (he wasn't absorbing any nutrients from the colostrum or the formula), and also due to that, he was still experiencing jaundice at a high level.

Before we left they informed us that they would have to give him an IV (again, something that devastated me, but we had no choice). He also had another choking event while he was under the phototherapy lights in the incubator in NICU). At the time, he had two pediatricians watching him along with several nurses. This was on January 1st. It was truly difficult because our other kids were missing me, and the hospital was thirty minutes away. We would drive back and forth twice a day so I could hold him, drop off milk and sometimes feed him. I was actually quite angry at times, because the nurses started feeding him formula right away, even though I had made my milk available and I made sure to call to let them know we were coming round so I could breast feed him. They seemed to be very uncooperative.

Logan was released from the hospital on Jan. 4, 2023 with moderate jaundice. We had health nurses come visit multiple times for weight checks. At this point, he was gaining weight, but not at the rate that was necessary.

On Jan. 16th, 2024 we got the call from the pediatrician on duty that Logan had cystic fibrosis. I was in complete and utter shock, because I had never heard of it in our family. For the longest time, I literally thought it was all just a really bad joke. It was finally determined through the newborn screening blood tests. We had an instant referral to the CF clinic at the U of A Stollary children’s hospital. Little did we know that would become our life for the next year.

The appointments did nothing to make me feel better. As the year progressed, I began to feel worse and worse until I became depressed. Logan however did improve and started to gain weight. As a matter of fact, he currently sits on the 90th percentile.

After his diagnosis, (even before for that matter), how we treated and dealt with Logan was different in every aspect. We had started Logan on the enzymes required for digestion. This is what helped him actually be able to absorb nutrients from his food so he could gain weight. They have two types - one in a pill form for older kids and adults to take, and one with the individual enzymes you add with a scoop. They ran out of the second one, so we had to purchase contact chambers, and break open each capsule and add them to the chambers. Then we had to get baby apple sauce, add 1/8 tsp salt (daily dose) and make tiny dollops to freeze (so we could save the applesauce and make sure it lasted). We had to feed him a capsule before each breastfeed. As he got older, we increased the amount of enzymes and this process was very time consuming, as I’m sure you could imagine. It’s just now, when he’s almost 16 months old that they’re going to give us the individual “scoop” enzymes which will finally make our lives a little easier. I’m sure that was just an oversight, but at the time when things were scary and hard, that simple little task was magnified 1000 times.

When Logan was younger, we also had to deal with choking incidences at home. It was actually from Logans body producing an excessive amount of mucous, and as a baby, he didn’t know what to do. I panicked each and every time it happened. I had to scoop it out of his mouth and his nose in order for him to be able to breathe again. Even when he didn’t have a cold, this excess mucous would build up and become a nuisance on a nightly basis. I used the Frieda nose sucker quite frequently during this time.

Other hardships that we experienced were the bowel movements that our son had. They were not completely normal, and apparently will never be normal. They are excessively smelly, and will be even worse if he forgets to take enzymes before food. Since he was on baby food up until four months, (he has since been weened off completely), he had between 7 to 17 bowel movements per day. You could imagine how hard this was on the budget to keep up with the diaper requirements.

In addition to that, our kid could eat. It did get better once he started eating solids completely (as in toast, meat, and veggies/fruits). However, when he was on formula, he would require double of what a normal baby would eat. Formula is expensive. I tried to breastfeed as much as I could, but I couldn’t keep up and I had trouble making milk (even while pumping) with my last two pregnancies.

Also, the appointments were weekly for awhile, which made it very difficult. (Here in Alberta, the winter roads are a little scary to drive on, but especially with a little baby in tow, downtown). After a month or two, the appointments became every two weeks, and then monthly. Finally, once he turned one, the appointments will be every three months going forward for the rest of his life. Overall, it was an extremely challenging time.

Throughout all of this, I experienced the seven stages of grief. I was in shock at the beginning - I literally have PTSD from some of the events that happened while I was in the hospital. I still have nightmares and occasional relapses. Next, denial - I attempted to treat my baby like a normal baby, just with the extra steps to secure his survival. Then, anger. I was so angry - at my husband, at myself, at everyone, but it was easy to blame the doctors too. I blame myself the most, because it was my DNA (and Chads) that did this to my baby. Then I bargained. I don’t believe in god nor the devil, but I bargained with both to save my baby. I even swore I would give years of my life if it could only extend his. Then, depression. I’m just coming out of this stage, and I wouldn't say it was the hardest, but maybe the darkest. Now, I’m in the testing and acceptance stages. I know there’s a future for my little one. Trikafta is a drug that aids in cystic fibrosis treatment and can often be a game changer. It was just approved for the ages of two to six here in Canada, and it will be enough of a change to make my childs life as close to normal as he can be.

I go into full fledged panic mode when my baby gets sick (it’s inevitable since my oldest is in school, and my daughter is a walking germ). Having a healthy baby is already stressful, but when your child suffers from some kind of disease, it’s absolutely terrifying as a parent to watch. It’s even more terrifying to think and wonder about the unknown future and what it holds in store.

As my kids get older, it has definitely become easier. My oldest is getting more independent, (so is my daughter for that matter), and my baby is out of those scary first year moments. Now I’m just trying to make sure he doesn't fall on his face or eat dog poop. (Regular kid troubles) LOL

I just wanted to thank everyone who reads this, as it is a story that was extremely difficult for me to share and took a long time for me to form the right words.

I appreciate you!

Sandra

Why We Need Adult Time and Alone Time

Hello! Welcome to this week’s blog! Today, I want to talk about why we need both adult time (if you’re a parent or a caregiver), and quiet time. I’m writing this from the perspective of being a parent of three children, but needing quiet time can be for anyone. You don’t need to have children to require time out. Maybe you have a hectic work life full of meetings, a large family or a large circle of friends that always want to hang out. Regardless, we’ll talk about the feelings we may have as parents regarding this issue, as well as things you can do to get that time you need to recharge.

Firstly, I can’t tell you how much parent guilt I feel even thinking about wanting alone time. (I.e. needing time away from my kids). Does it make me a horrible person or a horrible parent for wanting time away from my kids? Sometimes I feel so much guilt that I end up not enjoying my alone activity at all. This is NOT healthy - not a healthy emotion, and definitely doesn't help my mental or physical health either.

We have friends that both work. They have two kids, and I don’t know how much time they spend alone, but we have asked them to go for a double date and they always refuse. They said that they would rather spend time with their kids to do family things instead of going on friend dates. Now I don’t know if they go on other friend dates, and maybe that was just their excuse so they wouldn't have to hang out with us, but I think kids need time away from their parents (outside of school) and parents need time away from their kids (outside of work). I believe that you should find a healthy balance.

For me personally, as an empath, I require quiet time. When I spend too much time in loud environments, I literally get a headache and my head starts to spin. I have to walk away from the noise and the commotion that is three kids together in a room. I need that quiet time to clear my head and to recharge. (Especially when my kids start fighting).

So why is having adult time important? Well, when you have kids, you discuss kid stuff. You play with your kids - there is a distinguished line here; you are the parent, and they look up to you for assistance, help and love.

When you have adult time, you enjoy shared interests and hobbies, and sometimes do things only adults can do. (In our case, go to karaoke)! You can discuss different topics that are adult-related only, and can be yourself. Remember, you’re still a parent, but that is only one of your roles. A lot of times as a parent, the “me” part of you gets forgotten. Having alone time with other adults helps you to remember that you are still important and you don’t get lost in your parent role. The things you love and enjoy make you, you, and you need to celebrate that when you can.

As far as quiet time, I know that I can recharge in that space. I use my quiet time for work, since my kids are still small. I do things for myself, like read, work on my hobbies, personal development, or my spiritual work. This is pretty much the only time that I can focus on anything.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this week’s blog and I hope you’ll join me next time!

💜 Sandra

Making Yourself a Priority As a Parent

If you’re a parent, you know how everything changed as soon as your first little person entered this world. All of a sudden, you became responsible for providing for them, and ensuring they grow up and become a good person. It’s a lot of responsibility - and it never goes away. You always feel like you need to do things for them and (maybe not always provide), but you will be there in a pinch if they ever need you. Sound familiar?

At the time of writing, my kiddos are still young - they range in age from 9 years old to 11 months old. In my head, I thought, well why not have more? If I did the first, second, third…, I can do it again, and things (sort of) don’t change. All I know for sure is having kids is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I can’t exactly say its the most selfless thing I’ve done. Some people believe it’s selfish to have children in today’s “over-populated” world, where we are slowly deteriorating the Earth and leaving them to a desolate future. Other people think that it’s selfless because once you have them, you devote your world to them, and literally nothing is about you anymore. (Some people actually think it’s selfish to not have children because then you have more time and money for yourself). Regardless of what other people think, having kids is a tough business, and I’m not just talking about the pregnancy or the birth.

Kids cost money (especially if you’re saving up for their tuition). Money is the top subject that’s fought over the most in relationships. How it’s spent, where it’s spent, etc… You could go on and on. In our society where credit and money seem to make the world go round, it becomes the one thing on everybody’s mind, and if you don’t have enough of it, it can make life really tough and stressful.

When it comes to having time for yourself, sometimes it involves having money, and sometimes it doesn't. For example, if you have a book from the library, and you want to spend some time reading, that’s one thing. There are families out there who struggle to afford a library card and don’t have access to free resources.

Personally, I’m struggling with the idea of knowing that it’s important to make sure my cup is full so I have the energy to support others, but just not having the time to do so. At times, everything feels like a fight or a struggle. If I get ready to go out to karaoke to have some adult time, I’m always rushing last minute because I spent the entire night with my kids - making sure they got what they needed, and giving them baths. Then I have ten minutes at the end of the night to get ready. If, for example, I try to study with my son and help him do his homework/reading, he has a bad day and then it’s a struggle to get him to focus or pay attention on the task at hand.

For parents, I feel like we have this tug-of-war pulling us in opposite directions. We know we need self care and alone time, but then you feel guilty for wanting it. It seems there’s always something more you can do for your kids, so you do that instead. My “allocated” me time (reading) turns into kid time, and at the end of it, I’m too exhausted to have that shower or paint my nails or whatever it is I wanted to do. It’s ok if you do this a few times, but after always doing it, you get burned out. Then you realize something has got to give.

I realized this when I was doing my goal planning for 2024. There’s only so much time in the day. We have 24 hours and a lot of that is spent working and sleeping. We usually say the remaining should be dedicated to the things we hold most important in our lives, and that usually ends up being our families.

In an attempt to make myself a priority, I make sure to wake up early every day to have some alone time. If I decide to use that time for my business, that’s my problem, but at least I get that quiet time. (I know my kids, and they love their sleep)! The other way is when I do have a shower or a bath or something, I make sure to lock the door and I don’t let my kids follow me in. I tried that a few times, and they don’t stop talking!

Let me know if you have discovered ways to make yourself a priority! Thanks for reading and we’ll see you next time!

Sandra

The Benefit of Positive Affirmations for Children

When you do a good job at something, and it’s recognized with praise, it makes you feel good. But should praise only be given when something has been done? Everything we say and do has consequences, good and bad. Perhaps we need to be more purposeful in our praise, especially to children.

I have not yet talked about affirmations and the benefits they bring. As for children, I think it’s something that we should do as often as we can. Have you ever noticed that when you tell your kids they’re being bad or that they’ve done something wrong, their whole disposition changes; either they turn moody, or they get sad. What if we were to turn that around and instead of making them feel bad about their mistake (after all, they’re just children, and they are learning), we should get to the bottom of why. Wording is critical when speaking with children.

For example, if your child lies about something, instead of saying “You’re a liar!”, or, “You’re lying!”, get to the root of it and find out why. Maybe they’re embarrassed about something and the environment you’ve created is not safe for them to share why they’re not telling the truth. Now they are scared about sharing because they feel you’ll either judge them or criticize them.

The reason why children act out with parents more than anyone else is because they feel safest with you. They can show their true selves with you, hence the temper tantrums and the violent outbursts. All they really need is a warm cozy hug and love from you. They don’t need to be harassed or given a big lecture. All they really need is love and understanding.

So in the previous example, if you call your child a liar all the time, they may very well grow up to understand that they’re good at lying, and they’ll do it all the time. However, if you change the script and tell them that they’re a wonderful person and a beautiful soul, they’ll grow up believing that instead.

Simply, words have power. If you sincerely tell someone they’re great every day, they will grow up believing it. Instead of negatively conditioning our kids, lets do it in a positive fashion. Let’s leave them with positive and kind words.

For my kids, I tell them how smart they are every day and how beautiful they are. I don’t mean looks either (even though I’m biased because I think my kids are the cutest!). I mean that they have a beautiful soul and personality, and the potential for greatness.

We talk about changing the script for ourselves (instead of negative self talk, we use affirmations to build ourselves up and take our power back). So why aren’t we doing that for our kids as well? They are at the prime age of learning and growing, and this is the perfect time to make them feel worthy and get rid of that negative self-doubt we all experience.

Here are some examples of what you can say to your kids. Remember, you don’t need to just praise for a job well done; these words can (and should) be said all the time, freely and with love!

• You are important and special

• I am proud of you

• You have been so kind today

• I’m so happy you were polite

• You are amazing

• You are so smart and intelligent

• I love when you share things with me

• I love your hugs

• I love how big your imagination is

• You make me so proud

• You are so brave

• You are a good person

• You worked so hard today

• You have the best ideas

• I love you

• You are loved by so many people

  These are just a few things you can say to your kids, but trust me, it will make a world of difference! Let’s give our kids their best fighting chance in life!

  xoxo! Sandra

Parenting A Child With ADHD

Hello! Welcome back to my blog! Today, I want to discuss my thoughts and my personal struggles with parenting a child diagnosed with ADHD. First, I personally have an issue with labels. Remember, any of the “diagnoses” made by ourselves or doctors are just that - diagnoses and do not take into account the individual. (I.e. Two different children could have the same diagnosis, and it could present completely differently in each child). These labels that we give ourselves are just names to describe a pattern or condition that we repetitively see in living things. (i.e. Someone who cries all the time must be depressed). Humans feel like we need to study and pick apart every little thing there is. Each thing has a name (given by us) so we can talk about it and have a common understanding of what something is and how it presents).

A diagnosis for ADHD isn’t easy. It’s not hard either. Usually the teacher of school age children will notice it first if the parents already haven’t. I actually heard recently that ADHD falls on the Autism Spectrum, but this is not true. If you have one disorder, the chances are higher that you may have the other. I have not done detailed research, but I’m learning different ways and coping mechanisms to make my life easier (for me), for my family and for my ADHD-diagnosed child.

The diagnosis for ADHD cannot be made with any precision. It’s simply a questionnaire filled out by the teacher and caregiver. If the doctor sees a lot of similarities that represent the mental disorder, the doctor states that the person has ADHD. It’s not black and white, and any symptoms are different for each child.

If you look it up online, ADHD is called Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. ADD (Attention deficit disorder is the outdated term for the same disorder). Kids are usually diagnosed once in school, because it’s a lot more noticeable once they have to pay attention and follow directions.

Examples for my child involve not listening, cannot follow instructions or directions and makes careless mistakes. He also has issues with dyslexia. Besides for the popular mistaking “d’s”, “b’s”, and “p’s”, he has poor concentration, difficulty following instructions, and he easily forgets words.

I have struggled more recently since my son has been attending school. I’ve noticed great difficulty in getting him to do anything. Part of me wonders if that’s from ADHD, or him just being a kid. (lol). My greatest concern when he started Grade 1 was the listening factor. My son was born before the hearing test at birth became mandatory. I wondered if maybe he had hearing issues, so I made a specialist appointment through my doctor and found out that his hearing was just fine. (To my utter exasperation!) It’s like we need something to explain away what problems we have in order to feel justified in our feelings. It was at this point I thought something else might be in the works (ADHD), and we made the appointment.

When I first found out, I learned how to become a good communicator with his teacher. Sometimes I found this to be a bit of a struggle. Every teacher is different, and while I’ve never had a teacher not want to work with me and my son, sometimes it feels like some teachers are able to afford more time, and others not. For Kindergarten and Grade 1, my son was on an IPP (Individual Program Plan). This is before we confirmed his ADHD diagnosis. I was a little taken aback that my son was on an IPP, because when kids are in kindergarten, how do you really know? All kids at that age seem crazy. However, it allowed the staff a way to teach my son which was only to his benefit.

Besides for the listening difficulties, (we can call his name about five times before he responds), he also is quick to anger, never falls asleep easily, and gets irritated and frustrated quickly, especially over something he doesn't understand.

Over the years, our way of dealing with his reactions has changed. Since he is my first child, it was really a learning experience, and every new situation took some time to adapt to. At first, it was easy to get angry and over-react because he wasn’t listening. As we went, and learned more about the disorder, we began to realize that routines were key. For our son, keeping to a strict schedule is what’s best because it limits the anxiety he feels with surprise or change. It’s hard sometimes having to explain to other family members about not being able to do certain things because we need to keep a certain routine for our child’s mental health.

Another thing that we find works well is letting him know ahead of time what’s about to happen. (Again, limiting the surprise). Instead of saying “time for bed”, we say “you have ten minutes before you need to get ready for bed” (following the routine). It’s difficult for us, (even though I’m a huge planner), because we always need to be on top of everything all the time, despite our personal struggles we have as adults.

We really try to have as much patience as we can when interacting with our son. Sometimes it’s easy to get frustrated, especially when helping with homework that he doesn't understand. In this, we have a benefit because I am a certified teacher. Teaching is all about giving students different ways or methods to solve problems on their own, and to come to their own conclusions. When I can show my son a new or different method to solve a problem, and it helps him understand better, I feel elated that I was able to help him.

Positivity works some of the time, and distraction is what I tend to use if nothing else is working. If all of a sudden, he’s having a freakout, I distract him with something I know he likes to do, and it takes his mind away from the problem at hand.

I do find it very challenging explaining that I have more issues with my nine year old son sometimes than I do with my other children. (This is putting it mildly as my baby has cystic fibrosis, and my three year daughter is very smart). It’s especially challenging explaining it to family members that don’t see it all the time. Previously, ADD or ADHD was seen as a “make-believe” disorder to accommodate challenging kids. Parents were judged as not being fit parents because they couldn’t even handle their own children. Trust me, this is not the case. Similar to depression, there is much more awareness of this disorder today than there was in the 80’s and even the 90’s.

Thank you so much for reading today’s blog. Please feel free to reach out in the comments, or email me at sandra_carren@hotmail.com if you have comments or questions.

Take care parents!

Sandra

How To Stay Sane When Your Kids Are Driving You Crazy

I’ve heard it said once that people without kids are happier. I’m sure studies have been done to show that people with kids show much higher stress levels than people without kids, but children also bring you inconspicuous amounts of of joy too. It can never really be known for sure whether people without kids would be happier with kids or vice versa, because you’ll never know the difference. So, if you do have kids, and your hair is standing on end like mine, here are some of my ideas on how to cope.

Idea #1:

Separate yourself from the kids. I was told a long time ago when I had my first child that if your baby wouldn’t stop crying and you just couldn’t handle it anymore, to place them in their crib, or somewhere safe, close the door and walk away. Even if they’re crying. I’m sure you’ve noticed it’s anyone’s first inclination to pick up a baby as soon as they cry. (One of my pet peeves when it comes to relatives visiting actually). This allows you to take a breather, even if it’s for a few moments. It also prevents you from getting frustrated and doing possible harm to your child.

If your children are older, simply lock yourself in your room or the bathroom for a few moments (as long as you know your children are safe). Again, this quick separation allows you a few moments to breathe and calm down. (Why do kids always want to follow you into the bathroom anyway?)

Idea #2:

Separate your kids. My baby is generally well behaved and only cries if hungry, tired or is uncomfortable. My two older children sometimes like to fight. I notice that they keep picking on one another until a fight ensues, or until one of them gets over-stimulated. (Yes, overstimulation is actually a thing). I send one or both of them to their room, even if only for a few minutes. This gives them time to calm down and they become quiet and their “normal” selves once more.

Idea #3:

Take some “me” time. If you can find someone to watch your kids for a weekend, an overnight or even a few hours (even if it’s still in your own home), take the opportunity to do something for yourself. Spend some time completely by yourself for quiet time. Goodness knows you don’t get any when the kids are around. I enjoy reading, painting or drawing if I get enough time.

Idea #4:

Take some time off to work on your relationship. Having children can put a lot of stress on a relationship. One partner may work outside the home to support the family, and one partner might be at home all day with the kids and taking care of the household responsibilities. This can lead to loneliness, frustration and anger. Take time to communicate and spend time together without the kids. (Trust me, this is equally as important as spending time all together as a family).

There are things you can’t always say when kids are present. It also allows you time for intimacy, and for doing things together that you may have enjoyed before having kids. For example, my husband and I love to go to karaoke to sing. We allow ourselves that adult time and time away from little people. It’s a time where we aren’t always preparing food for them or changing diapers. If you can’t get a relative to watch your children so you can get out, it’s worthwhile setting up a sinking fund for a babysitter. Even if you get out together at least once a month, you will notice a big positive shift in your relationship.

Idea #5:

If you can’t leave the house, and the other options won’t work, just start a breathing exercise. Breath in through your nose deeply, and out through your mouth. Do this while counting to ten and it will really help. I know everyone says “count to ten” or take a few deep breaths, but this will prevent you from saying things you might not mean, or things you would regret later on. It allows you a moment to choose a different way to react to a stormy two year old screaming at the top of your lungs.

Idea #6:

Sometimes, when all of your kids are going off the deep end and having temper tamtrums, it can really be overwhelming. One of my kids might say something really mean (that of course, they don’t really mean or understand, but kids don’t know how to regulate emotion as well as adults do), and it will make me want to cry. In these circumstances, I go to the bathroom or bedroom and I cry. It actually really helps to release the pent up frustration and emotion, and at the end of it, I feel sooo much better.

Back in the “old days”, we were always told to never fight in front of our children or have those “difficult” talks in their presence. I was told to never show emotion in front of my kids, but I don’t listen to that. I think it shows your kids that even as parents, we’re human too. The conversation after is equally or even more important. I think it’s the same concept as explaining to a child why they can’t have something or why you said no. Lessons are valuable. Children need understanding, and this means we need to communicate with them. Without that, they won’t learn and grow to be the kind of humans we want them to be. Remember, we all deserve understanding and respect, no matter our age. Children can be wild and crazy and everything in between, but the scope of our love for them is infinite. Just remember to be kind to yourself as well.

Thank you so much for reading! I hope these ideas have helped you in your own parenting journey!

Love,

SAN ❤️

The Best Nasal Aspirator For Babies

Hi fellow parents! This is a new section of my blog. I realized that I have three kids, and while mentioning that fact in other blogs, I haven’t actually focused on parenting issues. So if you have kids as well, let’s commiserate, shall we?

As you know, babies have limited ways to get rid of congestion. Usually, they can sneeze and dislodge whatever is inside. Sometimes this doesn't always work. You can use nasal drops which will help soften the inside of the nose. Then the child can either sneeze it out, it goes down the throat, or, we can use a nasal aspirator.

Now with my older children, for some reason, I never had the opportunity to use a nasal aspirator. My third though is extremely congested. This is the result of a medical condition that I will discuss in a blog in the near future. However, I have learned how to deal with his congestion and sometimes, part of the routine includes using a booger sucker!

To date, I have used three different brands. All of these brands can be purchased from Amazon. I have some thoughts about each of these, some good and some bad. Please read on for further information!

1. FridaBaby Nasal Aspirator with Hygiene Filters: I actually purchased this when I had my second child, and then just ended up never using it. When I realized I needed one for my third, I actually forgot I had this one and ended up purchasing the two below first. After a go with them, I tried this. I think I started to not like the Hydrasense one, and the BBLüv broke. I like this one, because again, the tip is wide enough that it does not enter baby’s nose. However, it is made out of hard plastic and is extremely hard to clean. It comes with many sponge filters for replacement.

2. Hydrasense Nasal Aspirator Starter Kit: This kit includes a few one-time use vials of saline solution, and includes the aspirator. I enjoyed the saline solution, but ended up purchasing more on their own later on. This aspirator is also soft, but the tip is really narrow and fits right inside baby’s nose. When it does this, it tends to go farther up than you intend and it irritates baby’s nostrils. It is easier to clean than the FridaBaby though.

3. BBLüv Nöse Filter-Free Baby Nasal Aspirator: This one came in a little plastic kit. Instead of a filter, it has a plastic part separating where you are sucking in, and the part you put near baby’s nose. You wash it thoroughly after each use, but I do not know how it holds up to boiled or microwaved water for sanitization purposes. This is the first one that I actually tried, and I really loved it - until it broke. The plastic “filter” inside broke off since it’s only attached with a tiny piece of rubber. This one was my favourite still, because the tip wasn’t too skinny that it went right up in baby’s nose (it can hurt the sensitive nose area), and it was squishy enough that you could clean it easily. I had to repurchase because I did love it, and the price is right, around $13.99.

Those are the only ones I’ve tried to date. Let me know if you have tried a good one that worked well for you and your baby.

Thanks for reading!

From, the Mom and Dad’s Club…LOL

Sandra