Don’t Feel Pressured To Do All The Things
I feel like today’s society puts pressure on us in different ways than before, compared to let’s say the 1950’s, but even going back 10 years ago. I’ve touched on this before, but I suppose that technology has the greatest role to play here. I mostly touch on the internet and tech tools in my blogs, but everything in our society has been affected by technology - even the way our cars are designed are much different today. This has also affected our kids and how we raise them. In a society that is growing faster than we can blink, (i.e. growing population, new models of iPhones coming out each year, etc…) it feels hard to keep up. But, keep up we must. We cannot hold kids back from technology - it’s not fair because they will literally be behind in all areas of life. That’s how drastic a change technology has had on us.
It might seem like I’m going off on a tangent here, but our parent’s generation (those of the baby boomer generation) just don’t get it. You think they would because they have eyes and they can see how things are now, but for some reason, they still don’t. It’s easy to judge and to criticize when you’re not thrust into a situation every single day of your life.
The expectations on all of us (men, women, other genders) seems to be extremely high. We’re expected to be good partners, spouses, workers, parents, kids, etc. The problem is that we judge ourselves on “being good” by how much we get done, how productive we are, how much we can buy, etc…
Now I see planner companies, or more specifically goal planner companies saying things like “you get more done by doing less”. They are basically saying that you can focus better on one thing than you can rather than doing four things at once. I agree - multi-tasking is a thing that we all pride ourselves on being able to do, but at the same time, are we really getting ahead? What does the quality of our work look like?
This message that I hear is at odds with the message from society - that we need to do all the things in order to be successful in life. If you go to school, it’s great, but if you don’t successfully make a career out of it, you’re considered a failure. If you get a great job, it’s great, but if you quit because it’s making you depressed, you’re a failure.
The past few years, I’ve seen some YouTubers speak up about saying “no”. It’s ok to say no, whether it’s to extra-carriculars, extra work assignments, people asking favours, etc… But, (and this is a big one), the way our current society is designed, there are some things you have no choice but to follow through with. If you say no to an extra task at work, if you don’t do it, will it affect your future at that job? Will it prevent you from getting a pay raise? Will your boss look down on you for it?
I think that’s why so many of us say yes all the time - we don’t want to be judged and we don’t want to look bad in the eyes of others. We don’t want to miss out on that next big promotion or that fun night with our friends. So is it the fear of missing out (FOMO?) that makes us do all the things? Do we care too much about what others think?
I can tell you right now that we do. We, as a human race do care too much about what others think. We shouldn’t. Is it hard to change that? Of course it is! You can’t just change years of social conditioning overnight. We’ve had our parents, our friends, our co-workers, everyone tell us we should do things based on their opinions of us. It seems like we’re all competitors. If you don’t do it the best, someone is right there behind you that will. Where does that leave you?
There are only a handful of people that I know that dance to their own tune. For some reason, they don’t need to read any self-help books or talk to a therapist about their social conditioning issues, because they have been not caring what others think their entire lives. I wish I was more like that. Despite finally breaking out of the stereotypical mold, I still work at it every single day. I constantly remind myself that the only person I need to compete against is my “yesterday” self. I don’t need to compare myself against, or outshine anyone else. I am who I am, and I love myself for that. I’m also 40 years old, and I just discovered that in recent years. Isn’t that sad?
When we say no, we also have to think that emotion plays a big part here. We either feel guilty, or maybe relieved, but in the end, we as individuals still need to deal with that emotion. For people who feel anxiety over saying no, this is a culmination of all the feelings (guilt, sadness, disappointment, anger, etc…) that you have not dealt with in past situations of saying, (or trying to) say no.
With the pressure from society, it’s hard for us to know when we have reached our limit. Remember, that limit is different for everyone. Most of the time, we get past the limit without paying attention, and then we feel overwhelmed and stressed out because we have too many commitments and too little time. Or, maybe you get sick and you just can’t follow though. Maybe you’re going through a tough time mentally and need to cut yourself some slack. The important thing here is that you need to love yourself and learn to understand yourself to the point where you can determine your limit before that threshold has been crossed. It’s a very difficult thing to do - when you have many things on your plate (i.e. work, kids, partner, extra curricular), we don’t spend that extra time on ourselves figuring out what we need. But we NEED to do it. Otherwise you’re going to drive yourself crazy.
My recommendation (especially if you have a super busy life) is to take some time and write out a list of all the things you love to do on your own. Spend time with yourself away from other people. It literally gives you time to recharge your mental battery. Do something you love, and take a break. Maybe one day, cut your to-do list down until it’s only your top 3. Maybe pick a weekend to go on a stay-cation or a road trip to see something that you have never seen before. This is so counter-intuitive, but in that time, DON’T work, and DON’T do menial house chores or the grocery shopping. Schedule that for another time, but DO something relaxing for yourself that no one else can do for you.
Remember that you deserve off-days just as much as anyone else. Say no to people when you need a break, or when you just don’t have the physical time. You don’t owe an explanation. You have the right to do what you want because you’re the only person who knows what you need, deep down inside. You’re the only one who can ultimately fulfill your own happiness meter. Other people can’t do that for you, and more specifically, it’s not their job to do it - it’s yours.
❤️ Sandra
