Solitude Deprivation & Anxiety in the Post-Millennial Age
“I’m bored!” my kids say to me yet again. This happens especially as soon as one of their iPads die. I’m sure you’ve heard this too from your kid, or someone’s kid. We’ve all experienced what it’s like to be bored. Sometimes you feel like you’re in a funk - there are things you could do, but you just don’t feel like doing it. For my kids, it’s generally when their devices die and now they feel like the world has come to an end; like their device is the most important thing to them.
I’ve been asking myself lately…is it ok to be bored? Why do we need to do all the things all the time? Can’t we just sit in peace and solitude and think? How many times have you done that? Just sit and think? Probably not many, and I bet you can’t count the number of times on one hand either.
I have been reading this book by Cal Newport called Digital Minamalism, and he touches on the subject of solitude deprivation. By solitude, he means spending time alone in your head, where no outside source of information is taking up space. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re alone, but no one is talking to you, you’re not reading a book or listening to music - you are alone with your thoughts. He details how we can come to this state more often - by writing in a journal, by taking long walks alone, or leaving your devices behind.
He also touches on how solitude deprivation (meaning little to no time with your own thoughts) is causing anxiety in post-millennials. I am technically considered a millennial, but I only had one baby boomer parent and the other was born in 1935, so I feel like I’m more generation X than anything. In my case, I did not have a cell phone or computer until I was 18, and most millennials do know what it was like before technology engulfed our lives. The generations after the Millennial generation have seen an increase in screen time - with phones, apps, technology, computer games and streaming services. The tech companies make big bucks the more we use their products, so they invest money in ways to keep us using it.
People today are consumed by information from outside sources. Even myself - I’m usually listening to my family, reading a book, or listening to music while I’m in my car. The only times I find myself actually developing and thinking my own thoughts are when I’m brainstorming new ideas for content, writing my blogs, journaling, gardening, when I’m walking or if I’m in a nerve-wracking situation. Even then, I usually hum to calm myself down.
If people aren’t doing some of those types of activities, they’re more than likely not in solitude. Then we wonder why our kids are experiencing so much anxiety. I also think that our kids learn from our actions - from what we do, not what we say or tell them to do. So if all they see is us consuming information and watching tv, and playing games, they think it’s ok to do the same. It’s very normalized today in our society for everyone at a park to be looking down at their phones instead of playing with their kids on the equipment for example.
So how do we change things? I can tell you it’s not easy. I’ve experienced extreme anxiety myself as soon as I think about taking my kids iPads away. What are they going to do and how are they going to react? Will they hate me? But I think that’s what we have to do. We should spend more time in nature, we should teach our kids self-sufficiency. No, your iPad or phone doesn’t have to be attached to you. We can actually leave the house without it and things will be alright. Start easy and slow - maybe limit devices in your household for a few hours a day, or make a game of it where no one is allowed to touch their devices and the first person who does so has to pay some kind of fun penalty. Make it easy, make it fun and let’s start being bored!
Thanks for reading!
Sandra
