It Takes Courage To Be Yourself
Throughout my last few years of writing and working on blogs, I’ve noticed a general trend in my stories. A lot of my work is based on self-care, healing trauma and in general, figuring out who I am and letting you get to know me. I’ve noticed that I come to these points quite frequently; it takes time to figure out who you actually are.
Once you graduate, you are expected to have a chosen career path. Most of us have no idea what we’re planning on doing with our lives. I remember that I was pushed into going to University right away after high school. I thought it was the smart thing to do - I went right into science and I failed miserably my first year. Obviously, my heart wasn't in it and I really had no idea what my passions were, what I wanted to do, or really, who I even was.
It took me a long time to get to know myself. Throughout my shadow work journey, I realize I’m still finding out things about myself that surprise me. I’ve lost myself in a lot of different roles before I really understood what “knowing yourself”actually means.
As a woman, as a mother, I’ve been placed (by myself and others) into some of the following roles:
student
teacher
learner
graduate
worker
supervisor
administrator
sister
daughter
friend
mother
business owner
creator
artist
girlfriend
wife
At some points in my life, I let some of these roles take over. By that, I mean I got lost in the role and forgot all the other roles that I still participated in. For example, as a first year science student, I immersed myself in my education and I feel like I ate and breathed school work. As a secondary education student, I became a teacher and mentor and a student. The biggest role that I feel had the most profound effect on me was probably becoming a mother.
In those first few months when I brought baby home, I had no idea what anything was - I was mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted and overwhelmed. That is probably the role that took over my life to the greatest extent. Even to this day, I feel like my most important role in life is a mother. We play such an important role in our children’s lives. Could they live without us? Sure. But if we have the ability and the option, we take the forefront of our children’s lives, even as we all grow older.
Going back to the high school and even junior high/middle school era, this is a time when we are testing out the waters with our friends to see what’s acceptable and what’s not. It’s a rare person that will do whatever they want and not care what their friends think.
I had a friend who was very judgemental about anything I wore, said or did. At times, she made me feel embarrassed, ashamed and even sometimes like I wasn’t human. If I possessed any innocence at this point, you can be guaranteed it was long gone after being friends with this person. My daughter for instance is too young to know what being judged feels like. That doesn’t really happen until your kids start making friends.
In the end, I don’t think I changed anything on the outside, but my demeanour changed. I became more quiet (in retrospect, I think people thought I was snobby and stuck up), I became more thoughtful of my words when I said them. I was more timid and afraid that if I voiced an opinion, I would just get shot down.
I remember when I went to university; I think that’s when my attitude started changing. I always got asked, what’s the purpose of going to university if you’re not going to do anything with it? Well, when you first start out, you don’t think about that. You do have a goal in mind, but things change. It’s normal for everyone. So when you first go into it, you’re excited to be that sociologist or atmospheric scientist or math teacher.
In my case, life hit hard. My experience in university taught me to question everything. I don’t mean second-guessing yourself, but take what people say, roll it around in your head for a bit and then come back. Come back and question them, especially if their answer doesn't sit well with you. Speak up for yourself and don’t hold back. People don’t like to be held accountable, especially by somebody else. The elite (by this, I might mean government, people who are high/middle class, authority figures, etc…) don’t feel like they need to answer to anyone. That’s what makes them elite in the eyes of society. They don’t get questioned, and they continue doing whatever they want, even if it’s not right.
This takes courage. It’s scary. Putting yourself in the public eye is scary. It seems as soon as you give an opinion on something, you have all of a sudden opened yourself up to scrutiny by the masses. I talk about this a bit on my topics on Youtube. Beware of internet trolls! They are out there and they will get you. Everyone has an opinion, and sometimes you need thick skin to handle some of the criticism that may come your way.
Just remember, when people criticize you, it’s not really about you - it’s about them. It comes from a place of misery inside of them, a place that they don’t understand yet. They just take it out on others. Don’t let yourself be bullied. Have courage. Stand up and be proud and strong. Believe in yourself, because that’s all it comes down to anyway. We only have ourselves - you can’t rely on other people all the time to be there when times get tough. The only way you’ll know that you have courage and that you can be brave is in those tough times.
I believe in you. I have faith.
🧡 Sandra
