Hi friends, and welcome back. I have to say that I have written some deeply personal blogs lately, and in a way, it is very freeing. For me, it feels like when you finally tell someone a secret that you have been hiding for a long time, or coming clean after telling a lie. For me, talking about my personal life has a very eye opening effect, and it actually makes it easier to keep talking about it. I don’t feel shame in it because I know that every human being on this planet has issues. We all experience stuff.
My shadow work journey…where do I begin? Well, since starting, I have realized that I have a lot of emotional scar tissue. The kind that gets covered up for years and years and you don’t think about it again, until all of a sudden, something happens and it triggers a memory. I’ve had these visions many times throughout my life. You know the sense of deja vu that we’ve been someplace before, or seen or talked to someone before, even though we’ve never been there before or met that person before? Sometimes I chalk those experiences up to past lives, but sometimes, we have been to those places and have seen those people; we just don’t remember because we chose to forget.
I have been using this journal/notebook/workbook that I found on Amazon. It is called Shadow Work 100 Days of Healing. It was produced for Amazon specifically by Manifest Hero. One of my weekly maintenance goals this year is to work on my Shadow Work workbook every week. I have scheduled days throughout the month when I make time to work on my journaling goals, and I usually complete a few pages every session. In this workbook, there is generally one prompt per page. So far, I have noticed that the prompts don’t really flow together that well. They don’t seem to relate to one another, at least so far as I have completed it. Some of the prompts are very difficult to write about, because they hit a nerve. (That’s when I tell myself it’s working). The purpose of the journaling is to make you think deeper about the answer. Reflection is the key here, and a lot of times, I’ll ask myself why I wrote something. Also, I find myself deviating from the prompts quite often, because there will be something related that I want to add.
When there is a question that calls for a somewhat negative answer, especially in regards to myself, I find it difficult to answer. The purpose behind this kind of prompt is to get to know yourself. Sometimes we have these preconceived beliefs about who we are by what we look like, how we sound, or how others see us. The answer is that we are that, but not. It’s hard to admit that we have negative traits, and harder to admit that sometimes we can be wrong. It’s our ego, and pride that holds us back. You can’t heal the trauma unless you know who you are.
Upon conclusion of my journaling in this book, I don’t think I will have “defeated” my demons. I think the process will give me a lot to think about and reflect on. Another thing that I plan on doing is personifying my emotions. So, as we may know, our emotions are only controlled by us. It is not for other people to make us happy, nor should it be for other people to make us sad. However, words and actions from people close to us can harm our psychological well-being. Harmful and violent relationships are a case in point.
Personally, I have never been violently harmed physically. I have been violently harmed emotionally and psychologically, specifically by other people (and on purpose). We think that if we could somehow talk to that person face-to-face we could exonerate the harmful feeling or emotion that they created in us. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Usually, it is safer to stay away; more than likely, they would continue in their actions and simply return to their harmful behaviour. More specifically in my case, some of the people that have harmed me are no longer living. In this case, it strictly comes down to me to figure out a healing process to a point where I feel safe in my own skin again.
In personifying my emotion; let’s take regret for instance. Instead of pretending the person that caused that emotion is in front of me, I turn the emotion “regret” into a physical manifestation (it can be as simple as imagining a blob, sitting on a chair), and I talk to it. I pour out all the thoughts, the negative (or positive) emotions that I feel toward it. Perhaps I explain the situation, maybe I talk about what I wish I had done instead. Whatever the case, surprisingly this helps lessen the pain, and the pressure of the emotion that I feel. It also helps to disburse the emotion as a physical manifest (i.e. Imagining the blob drifting away like smoke after you have said your piece).
Remember, in the end, when it comes to emotion, the only one who can control your own emotions is you. Since these emotions stem from your psyche, it is up to you to forgive yourself and perhaps forgive the other person as well. Of course, not for their benefit, but for you. We all need to heal and we also need to move on and experience joy, life, and love. Throughout this healing process, I have learned how not to treat people. I would never wish my emotions on anyone else, not even my worst enemy (if I had one). Remember, what you put out into the world is returned to you in threefold. So, if you do good, think good thoughts and are compassionate, you will receive the same. Please, be kind since you never know what someone has gone through.
Love,
Sandra
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