How To Be Successful At Home, and At Life

Hi again, it’s me, Sandra. I want to start off by saying that success does not look the same for all people. I’m writing this as a general know-how to be successful in a home environment, and I’m sure that people from all walks of life can find something useful within this article. If you come across something that does not apply to you, well then by all means, move along to the next paragraph. With that being said, let’s get started!

So I have been through a lot of life stages that other people go through…childhood, teenage years (living in a family of four), living with a boyfriend, living alone and being married with kids. I’ve grieved for a parent, a friend, a past lover, and I’ve gone though a lot of ups and downs. Remember, no matter what anyone tells you, you cannot live through someone else. My mom always told me not to do things, because she had done them and it hadn’t turned out so well for her. Despite that, you must still experience things for yourself, even if it turns out wrong for you too. That’s the way we learn; by doing things and making mistakes.

I want to pass on some tips that will serve you well in life. Maybe you have already discovered these for yourself. If not, take the words as wisdom and not me telling you what you should do, say or how to act.

 

Tip #1: People need space, even if they say they don’t or don’t show it.

Your brain needs time to deconstruct the happenings of your day. This usually happens overnight when you sleep. The information you gather through your seven senses during the day is sieved through and the valuable information is stored in the brain. Of course, all of this happens without you even thinking about it.

The same is true for your consious thoughts. I know that I have a million and one thoughts racing through my head at any given moment. Most of the information is forgotten, but I also have a hundred and one to-do’s adding up in my head. As soon as I think of something, I usually go to my planner and write it down before I forget. This ensures that I can come back to it later and deal with it when I have the time.

This is usually one of the first things I do when I wake up in the morning. I make a brain dump, and anything on my mind gets written down onto paper. When you are constantly around other people, you don’t get quiet time. You don’t get time to think or process, and then your head and thoughts become a big, muddled mess. One of the best examples I can think of is when I am trying to work and my son is home. I think my son would make an excellent gamer on YouTube by the way…he’s always talking and explaining what he’s doing on his game. While this might make him a great gaming creator, it doesn't bode well for my creative process. I’m constantly asking him to be quiet.

For myself as a mother, I have to deal with this on a constant basis. We have a small home and he refuses to play games in his room, so my work-around is I try to find a quiet nook and move my laptop there to get some work done. If this doesn't work, I wait until he goes to bed or leaves the house so I can work. This is a huge reason why I schedule my filming days for when my husband is home - he can take the kids out of the house for me to accomplish my goals.

When I was younger, and living with my first official boyfriend, I always wanted to spend time with him. While this was a good thing, my friends and family said it wasn’t healthy. I always wondered why. I was viewing it from a different perspective than they were. One of my friends was married, but she spent most of her time away from her husband, always out with her friends or by herself. Needless to say, both our relationships failed.

It’s really up to you to say how much time you need with others and by yourself. I do know that my craving for alone time has increased the older I’ve become. I think it’s because back then, I didn’t really know myself that well or what I truly wanted. As my life has progressed, I’ve become happy with who I am and who I’m evolving into. Plus, now that I have kids, I crave that quiet time at least once a day.

When you do get alone time, use it wisely, because when you don’t have it, you will want it. Do something kind for yourself; go to a movie or dinner by yourself (my younger self cringes at that, but I have done both of those things since and it’s great; it makes you feel so independent), get a pedicure, or run errands. In my alone time when I don’t have to work, I love to read, journal, watch an episode of something on Netflix or spend time on one of my many hobbies. The quiet time is so good for my mental health; my mind gets to relax and breathe.

 

Tip #2: Communication is key

Even if you live by yourself, this is so true. You still need to work, talk to friends and family and call or visit places of business. You need to know how to speak up for yourself, how to listen well and how to ask for what you want.

It’s hard growing up. (Period). As a teenager, I never really talked to my parents. I always just thought they would never understand. Well, it works both ways because they didn’t understand me either.

Communication, as with most skills are life skills that develop as we get older. The more we communicate (usually), the better we get. I mean, this is not always true; in order to increase your skills at something, you need to put in effort and learn more about the topic. This goes for writing letters (yes, the old fashioned way - I always had a pen pal, but I learned that skill officially in Grade 7), composing professional e-mails, writing a proper resume and cover letter, and speaking in public as opposed to speaking at home.

Listening is a key step of communication, and I think a lot of people forget about this one. Let people have their say - it doesn’t matter if this is your kids, your mom, your partner or someone else. Everyone is valuable and their contributions treated as such.

When I am on an important call for a medical appointment or a bill company (or anything for that matter), I always make notes in my planner. At least I have a notepad and pen beside me in case I have to jot something down. Never trust your memory, because if you get distracted, you might forget important information or details.

Never be afraid to ask for what you want. If you don’t ask, you’ll never know and the worst thing that can happen is you don’t get it. Once, I worked at a tv/cable company. We, as customer service representatives in a call centre were given the ability to give the customer pretty much anything they wanted within reason. If they were having disruptions in service, we could offer them a discount on their bill. We could give them free product; the thing is, we couldn’t offer it unless they asked. The policies today may have changed, but the concept of asking for what you want has not changed. People cannot read minds - really. They will only know if you tell them, and that means you need to learn how to communicate properly.

 

Tip #3: Keep your space clean and tidy.

Ok…when I was a teenager, I didn’t care about this, mostly because it made me mad that my mother always nagged at me to clean my room. Not caring about cleaning my room wasn’t because I didn’t want a tidy space, it was more to tick off my mom. (Don’t tell her I said that).

Trust me, you might not be a tidy (or clean) person, but if you do this task, you will thank yourself in the long run. During the time of writing this, we are in the process of Swedish Death Cleaning which is throwing out stuff we no longer use (or selling/gifting,etc…) in order to achieve a more minimalist lifestyle. Note that I didn't say minimalist lifestyle, because I am far from that and will never be a minamalist.

Have you ever looked at something and said “I don’t use this, but I just can’t bring myself to give it away in case I find use for it in the future?” Well, how many times have you moved and how many times has it moved with you, to be kept in a box in your garage, basement or storage room? Well, that’s me, and I can easily say hundreds of items, if not more.

I do go through and clean the larger spaces of my home at least once a year, but never have I tried to purge my “stuff” to this extent. It is one of my goals for this year, and I know it’s a good one because it scares the hell out of me to do it.

I’ve always wanted that type of home where everything has a place, and it doesn’t look over-cluttered. I have never had that type of place; I’ve always had small homes, and just too much stuff.

The good news if you have reached this place already, is that you will never misplace something again. You already know where it is! A good rule of thumb that I hear a lot is if you buy something, something else has to go (One in, one out).

It’s also the same for paper that enters your home. Keep what you need and recycle the rest. It’s a good thing most companies are moving to online record keeping. File your important documents (You can read my blog about how to set up a proper filing system here: https://sandradahl.ca/organization-productivity-1/blog-post-title-four-ngkld-ErzkL-d3bsk-V6wom-9cjd7-cwaft-wrdcb-alhja-pjzbe-z6ase), and determine if you need to take action on something. If so, keep the paper in a clear place where you will remember to refer to it at a later time. Once the action is taken, recycle the document or file for safe keeping. Most documents can be destroyed after a seven year period, including tax documents, so it’s a good idea to pay for a shredding company to destroy your documents or get one of your own.

 

Tip #4: Plan your day/week/month/work/events/goals…

and everything and anything in between. Of course you knew I was going to talk about planning. To me, planning is the basis of being successful and staying on top of your life. You won’t get far without a plan. You might be amazed at what you can do if you simply start writing things down.

If you want to take the next step, check out the Franklin Covey planning process (it’s amazing by the way). Another product I love is the Cultivate What Matters Goal Planning System. Any planning method you take will hugely change the way you take on the world and you might be amazed at all the things you can achieve if you start using a planner.

For more information, check out these blogs:

 

Tip #5: Learn How To Say No

Sometimes, it’s just easier to say yes when people ask you to do a favour, or to do something for them. That is, until we start to get stressed out, anxious and over-whelmed with our own to-do lists. By the time we realize we need to cut back, it’s too late. We’ve got a million and one things to do and you would feel guilty backing out on things that you’ve already committed to.

Give yourself a break. Before saying yes to something (i.e. a new project, coffee with a friend, house sitting, more hours at work), check your schedule and make sure you have time for your main priorities first.) Don’t just say yes to more hours at work because the extra money would be nice. Take time for self-care and relaxation because guess what? You deserve it!

Tip #6: Personal Development: Learn Valuable Life Skills

When I was younger, I never seemed to have a lot of time to devote to life skills outside of school, family and work. I was going 48/7. Well, I still feel like I need more hours in a day. But, I have learned how important it is to develop your skills, even if there is no external (extrinsic) value in it. I mean, learning for the sake of learning; not to produce an outcome like making more money.

I have said that most skills are learned along the way, but there’s no harm in devoting some time (if you have it) to increasing the speed at which you learn new skills (or learning things outside of your comfort zone). We learn by doing, so it’s important to not only read, but also, immerse yourself in the thing you want to learn about. If you want to learn mechanics, train with a mechanic, check out your vehicle, or volunteer some time to learn the skills. If you want to get better at writing, write a story or start a blog. Remember, if you don’t start doing, you will always sit on the sidelines, always wondering if you could have done it.

I know times are changing; most certainly with social media and new technology. (Reminder, this is from the viewpoint of a millennial who thinks of herself as Generation X) Read that blog here: https://sandradahl.ca/all-about-me/https/sandradahlca/blog-page-url/https/sandradahlca/blog-page-2. There is nothing wrong with learning how to do things the old fashioned way:

  • Write a proper letter (the letter, the address on the envelope). Yes, there is proper way to address an envelope including which lines to write where, and writing a letter to a friend will look different than writing to a government office, for example).

  • Do your taxes by hand, on paper (and not using a tax software) and send them by mail.

  • Create a resume and cover letter that will really get noticed.

  • Learn how to change a tire and change your own oil in your car.

  • Learn the basics of cooking.

  • Take a first aid course at least once. If you don’t take it again, you can’t legally save a stranger (as weird as that sounds), but at least you will know how to take care of your immediate family if there is ever a crisis).

  • Learn how to drive standard.

  • Try fixing things on your own without first asking for help.

 

This last tip is just more advice, rather than a tip. The only person you can ever fully depend on is yourself. Never (always) depend on someone else to do things for you or to have your back, because one day, they might not be there. Figure out things on your own - teach yourself new tricks - whether from in-person classes, books, online videos). This is your life, your journey and your success. Remember what I said at the beginning - that success is different for everyone? Well, it is true.

This is me wishing you a very successful and bright future. All the best!

Sandra

 

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