Hey guys! Welcome back to this week’s blog. I wanted to talk about something that I think about from time to time. It’s one of those things that takes the form of a fleeting thought, and so crosses my mind for a nano second and I don’t really pay attention to it. But maybe I should. I have never journaled about it (as you may know, journaling is a large part of my life - it helps to form my personal/self development journey, and helps me work through thoughts and basically plan my future). I’m going to give you a little back story about how my thought process has changed throughout my life.
I remember when I was in kindergarten - it was a full day program in a K-9 school, called Mecca Glen. It was somewhere between Bashaw and Ponoka and I have no idea if it still exists. Regardless, there was a part of our day when we played dress-up and I remember I always picked the teacher or the doctor. I didn't have particular thoughts about this at the time. All I know is that I liked those costumes and I liked playing those roles.
In Grade 5, I told everyone I was going to be a brain surgeon. I tried to imagine the best, highest paying and most important job that someone could have. (In the opinion of a 10 year old, of course). Once I was in high school, I imagined that I would be an architect. That was what I did my project on in C.A.L.M. (Career and Life Management).
Once I graduated, I had no clue what my life would look like. I was in that weird transition period between teenager and adult and I was as confused as everyone else was. I had no particular dreams, although I always was a really good artist. Again, that thought never made it to the forefront of my mind; that maybe it could be a potential career.
I struggled through my years of university science courses. Again, I was under the assumption that a “smart” student would pick the hardest courses and come out the winner. Well, I had it completely wrong. I failed; at everything. I hated school, and I started to hate my life.
I did end up going back and getting a science degree, in atmospheric physics and sociology. (I was actually interested in sociology, but couldn't see myself having a career in it.) Unfortunately, I was working at Sobeys (a grocery store in Canada) at the time, and it ended up paying the bills for 16 years, although I absolutely hated every minute of it.
I went back to school after a few years, thinking a teaching degree would be the answer to my life dilemma. I wanted to change lives, and I thought the answer would be to helping students in school. I thought being a teacher was the perfect thing, because I always wanted to be a teacher growing up and I had all these wonderful aspirations in mind.
Thinking back, it was a good decision. However, life got in the way. I was struggling really, really bad. I went through a breakup, had some trouble with a house I co-owned, and moved in with my sister which was definitely a mistake. I had a huge issue at work, and overall, I was a huge miserable mess. I would like to say it got better, but it didn’t - it kept getting worse. I won’t bore you with all the miserable details, but a select few people helped me through one of the hardest times of my life. An unfortunate series of events happened at this point. It was like rolling down a hill, and collecting all the terrible things along the way. I just couldn’t stop.
Honestly, to this day, I can’t really say what pulled me back from the brink of the nothingness. I can say that I was really not happy with my life. On top of that, I wanted to bring another baby into this world.
The day I discovered bullet journaling on youtube kind of changed my life. It wasn't just bullet journaling - it was this idea of creating a youtube channel, something all on my own that wasn’t dependent on anyone (except maybe my husband since he has helped me out so much over the past couple of years). I always wanted to be able to work from home, doing some kind of computer work. I fought against the system of a 9-5 type job. I hated the fact that someone else told me to be somewhere at a specific time and I had to answer to them.
So now that you heard the background story of my thought process, I can’t really say when I started thinking about specifically changing peoples lives, or changing the world. I always thought that the only people who could change the world were the doctors who performed magnificent surgeries, or outstanding breakthroughs. Maybe even politicians, when they actually did some good for communities.
When I had my kids, I was scared witless. I had released these tiny human beings into the world, and they could get hurt. I was their protector and that seemed like a really big responsibility. It is actually - you are their guide and example of how to do things, and how to be a good person. They learn from you by your actions. So in that regard, I am trying to be a better person. It’s really scary to think that your job as a parent is to produce a respectful, kind and diligent human being. I take that job very seriously, however scary it might seem.
If a person can accomplish that, I’d say you’ve done right by the world. Who’s to say that your child/children will accomplish great things in their life time? The possibilities are endless because they have their entire future ahead of them. It’s up to us to teach them that they need to learn as much as they can about the world so they can better themselves and be the best that they can be.
So even though I have two kids, and they have all these possibilities in their future, it doesn’t change the fact that I want to do something for the world too. (Raising good kids is a wonderful thing, but you also need to do something for yourself to make your life meaningful).
I first thought that would be in teaching high school math and physics. I know that those subjects are usually difficult for most students to master, and I thought I could add my knowledge and expertise to the mix to help students learn. That would be my good deed. Instead, life interrupted my grand plans and I never actually worked as a teacher, despite getting my teaching degree. (I did complete my practicums however, and I met lots of wonderful people and had the chance to teach junior high and high school for a short time).
Throughout my careers, I’ve met many people. There were people I went to school with, people I worked with and others who just crossed my path once; acquaintances if you will. I like to think that I had some kind of positive change in at least one person’s life during that time. My motto is to be kind. We seriously need more kindness in the world, because you don’t know what other people are going through or what kind of story they have. If someone pays for my drive-through order for instance, I always pass it on and pay for the next. It’s little, random acts of kindness like these that affect people the most I think. There’s nothing wrong with being kind to complete strangers, even if it’s only a smile. (I’m also trying this for the people in my inner circle; they’re usually the ones who have to put up with my occasional grumpiness, so I’m trying to be kind and patient with them too!)
When I started writing in a journal, I always imagined my future kids reading it when I was gone. I imagined how shocked they would be at the things they would find, and I started to judge myself. For awhile, I stopped writing personal things because I was scared someone might read it. Now, 100 written-in journals later, I’ve come to realize that’s the point; we’re all the same - we’re all emotional human beings. Besides, what does it matter if someone reads about personal details of my life once I’m dead? That might be how I live on through my family - I’ll be the only one who has these hundreds of journals that detail my life down to what I ate every day. LOL.
As I started my Youtube channel, and further grew my business, I realized I could leave another type of legacy. Thanks to social media and the internet, my face is posted online. (Haha). Never in a million years did I think I would become an “internet personality”. Not that I’m famous or anything, but my kindergarten self would never have imagined the possibilities of the internet. Thanks to Youtube and Instagram and Facebook, I have left another type of “diary” for my family. They can learn who I am through all the videos I have posted online. Also, I will have a business that my kids can either carry on, or maybe sell. Look at all the other startup companies out there that have become big. Every person and every company has to start somewhere, and everyone starts from the beginning.
The last way that I want to change the world is to create beauty. I want to create beautiful ideas and beautiful things that people can love and enjoy. Whether that is through my art, or stickers, or even through things I say on my Youtube channels, I want to make people happy. If I can inspire someone in someway, that’s my dream and my legacy. We need to get excited for all the potential that we have within us. There are endless possibilities, and we just need to buckle down and enjoy the heck out of life, because once it’s gone, it’s gone.
That’s my spiel. Be kind. Do good. Read as many books as you can. Travel. Don’t take life for granted.
xoxo SAN ❤️🧡💛💚
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