Finding My Purpose
It wasn’t until I hit my late 30’s that I started asking myself what I was put on this earth for. I was searching for a reason to validate my existence. Why, in particular was it me that was born, and not some other baby? For that matter, what makes me have conciousness and not feel like some other person? Well, that’s a whole other conversation. For now, I want to discuss how I feel about my existence - my journey in finding myself as well as coming to terms with my purpose on this earth.
When I was a kid, I enjoyed life. I enjoyed everything - I had no worries, no cares and I felt so free and happy. As an adult, you start to become burdened with obligations and responsibilities, but for the most part, that is a normal part of growing up and learning.
Finding a job you enjoy is also part of the learning and growing process. Most people work to make money and never concern themselves about whether it’s something they enjoy. They just go through the daily grind of having to provide for their families and pay the bills. I’ve always asked myself - is that right?
For most of my life, I worked at a job that I absolutely detested. I worked with people who disliked me and tried to make my life miserable. In the end, I hope they found their happy ending. I finally found something that fulfills me as a creator and a visionary. I knew I was capable of great things, all I needed was to escape my limiting beliefs. The job I had before made me feel like a servant, always trying to please someone else. Now, I work for myself and I am trying to make the world a better place (in my small way). By sharing my thoughts, processes, and beliefs with others, maybe it will help spark an idea for someone else and they can pay it forward, so to speak.
I didn’t start to think about death until my dad died. The wheels started turning and I started calculating how long everyone had left to live. Yes, it was very morbid but for the following two years after my dad died, I was in a very dark place. It doesn't really hit home until you have someone close to you die.
As I grew older, I grew more afraid of death and more afraid of leaving my loved ones behind, and my kids without a mother. I’ve had two more deaths in our family since my Dad died, and it sure doesn’t get any easier.
We all know to some extent that life is finite, but, death is also part of the life cycle and it makes life much more precious. (I know this is not the same at all, but it’s like when you eat a small bag of chips - they seem so much tastier than the big bag because there are not as many and they’re gone faster.)
We always say life is short, but for most of us, it’s actually not. We just don’t start thinking about death until we’re at a point of regrets. We wish we had done this a lot sooner…we wish we had travelled more. The older we get, it seems we’re running out of time, and then it truly hits home.
I did write a blog called ‘Changing The World One Little Step At A Time’ (you can view it here: https://sandradahl.ca/feelings-emotions-thoughts/https/sandradahlca/blog-page-url/https/sandradahlca/blog-page-1. Another related article, ‘Appreciation: Enjoying The Little Things’ can be found here: https://sandradahl.ca/feelings-emotions-thoughts/blog-post-title-four-ngkld-ErzkL-d3bsk-V6wom-9cjd7-cwaft-wrdcb-alhja-pjzbe.
The above articles are related to this idea that I’m still trying to come to terms with. Why was I put on this earth, instead of someone else? The reason isn’t because you’re supposed to enjoy things. That is what you should do because life is short (or so people keep saying). Yet I know people who have had nothing but misery and bad luck all through their lives; never getting ahead and always getting the short stick. Why? Perhaps their story is meant to show other people that you can survive no matter what. Perhaps their purpose was to have kids who will do great things in their lifetime. We don’t know.
Is it all a matter of fate? In the grand scheme of things, did the universe transpire for everything that has already happened, decreeing it fate by simply happening? This is something I have thought about a lot throughout my life. People say you make your own luck, but do you really? The simple act of trying something makes it more likely to happen rather than sitting back and doing nothing. But whatever you do, maybe that was the plan for your life all along?
Spirituality has entered my life in the past year. Previously, I was unaware of signs that the universe was giving me. My eyes were not opened because I was too focused on myself and my unhappiness to look around. Now that I have become aware, I rely on my intuition a lot more. I plan on using my spirituality in future endeavors to find my purpose in this life. And, if that never comes to fruition, at least perhaps spirtuality can bring me happiness where once I had grief , anxiety and fear.
💛 San
