It’s a Privilege To Be Here
Ever since my Dad died in 2006, I’ve been thinking about death. It’s in every thought I’ve had before bed, every funeral I’ve attended or every death I’ve been aware of and it’s in every movie or tv. show I watch. The thoughts I have about death have become more prevalent since I’ve had kids, and also as I get older. Of course I’m scared - everyone should be. It’s makes our time here on Earth that much more sweet and precious.
Now you may be thinking “My goodness, this is gruesome and I don’t want to read more”, but hear me out. My thoughts about living and dying are actually very important. I remember when I was younger (before my Dad passed), death was some imaginary thing that couldn’t touch me. You don’t know until you’ve experienced it, and grief is never ending. You might not always experience it in the same way, but it’s always there. It might surprise you in the middle of the day when you thought things were going fine. It surprises you ten years after the death of a loved one - even twenty years; grief knows no bounds. The death of someone close to you changes you - makes you become a little more wary of the world and the people in it.
Having children has made my anxiety increase one-hundred-fold. I worry about what kind of life they’ll have, I worry about how long I’ll be able to be there for them. My Dad said something to me one day before he died. I thought it was selfish, but now I’m not so sure. He said “ it’s not fair that you guys get to keep on living and I don’t”. Now that I have kids, I think I understand what he meant. I can’t bare for my kids to go on without me. Is it selfish? Maybe - but I think it’s a base human desire to keep on living, as we only want to die when we are in an insurmountable amount of pain that we feel we just can’t go on anymore.
Is this depressing? Yes. BUT we can change the script. Most times, when we think about getting old, we think of dying and of death. We think about losing our independence because after awhile, we lose our motor skills and our ability to see, function, etc… I once took a sociology course about dying and death and getting old and it was so depressing. A lot of middle aged families are stuck in that in-between of taking care of their kids and their parents. It’s a very hard place to be.
As we get older, it’s important to start thinking about creating a will - there are three parts: the power of attorney, a directive and the will itself. It’s always important for everyone - but can be more so if you have kid(s) and want to bequeath your belongings accordingly. You don’t necessarily have to involve a lawyer either, since that gets super expensive. You should have multiple paper copies, an e-mailed copy and share it with as many people as you can, and have a witness(es).
What if we start thinking about old age as a gift instead of something to resent or be scared of? I know that beauty commercials are geared towards creating products to make you appear younger, but you are still your age. Aging is a natural part of life. It means you have become wise, and have accumulated a lot of knowledge over your lifetime. It is a privilege to be able to watch your children grow old, see the birth of your grandkids and maybe even great-grand children. It is a privilege to sit on a patio with your friends to talk about your youth. Isn’t it a privilege to look back on pictures and think about all the beautiful memories you’ve made with your friends, family and loved ones and imagine how your legacy will live on?
Even if you don’t have a family, you still have a legacy. You can look back at the things you’ve accomplished in your life - what you did in your job, the hardships that made you stronger and more resilient and helped you tackle even bigger and greater things in your life?
We can cherish the memories of our loved ones that are no longer here with us and hope they are fulfilled and no longer suffering. Just to know that we are alive - right here and now is a privilege and I thank the universe each and every day for that, and for the life of my kids with the hope that they too will live and love far into old age. That’s what life’s about.
❤️ Sandra
