How To Stay Sane When Your Kids Are Driving You Crazy
I’ve heard it said once that people without kids are happier. I’m sure studies have been done to show that people with kids show much higher stress levels than people without kids, but children also bring you inconspicuous amounts of of joy too. It can never really be known for sure whether people without kids would be happier with kids or vice versa, because you’ll never know the difference. So, if you do have kids, and your hair is standing on end like mine, here are some of my ideas on how to cope.
Idea #1:
Separate yourself from the kids. I was told a long time ago when I had my first child that if your baby wouldn’t stop crying and you just couldn’t handle it anymore, to place them in their crib, or somewhere safe, close the door and walk away. Even if they’re crying. I’m sure you’ve noticed it’s anyone’s first inclination to pick up a baby as soon as they cry. (One of my pet peeves when it comes to relatives visiting actually). This allows you to take a breather, even if it’s for a few moments. It also prevents you from getting frustrated and doing possible harm to your child.
If your children are older, simply lock yourself in your room or the bathroom for a few moments (as long as you know your children are safe). Again, this quick separation allows you a few moments to breathe and calm down. (Why do kids always want to follow you into the bathroom anyway?)
Idea #2:
Separate your kids. My baby is generally well behaved and only cries if hungry, tired or is uncomfortable. My two older children sometimes like to fight. I notice that they keep picking on one another until a fight ensues, or until one of them gets over-stimulated. (Yes, overstimulation is actually a thing). I send one or both of them to their room, even if only for a few minutes. This gives them time to calm down and they become quiet and their “normal” selves once more.
Idea #3:
Take some “me” time. If you can find someone to watch your kids for a weekend, an overnight or even a few hours (even if it’s still in your own home), take the opportunity to do something for yourself. Spend some time completely by yourself for quiet time. Goodness knows you don’t get any when the kids are around. I enjoy reading, painting or drawing if I get enough time.
Idea #4:
Take some time off to work on your relationship. Having children can put a lot of stress on a relationship. One partner may work outside the home to support the family, and one partner might be at home all day with the kids and taking care of the household responsibilities. This can lead to loneliness, frustration and anger. Take time to communicate and spend time together without the kids. (Trust me, this is equally as important as spending time all together as a family).
There are things you can’t always say when kids are present. It also allows you time for intimacy, and for doing things together that you may have enjoyed before having kids. For example, my husband and I love to go to karaoke to sing. We allow ourselves that adult time and time away from little people. It’s a time where we aren’t always preparing food for them or changing diapers. If you can’t get a relative to watch your children so you can get out, it’s worthwhile setting up a sinking fund for a babysitter. Even if you get out together at least once a month, you will notice a big positive shift in your relationship.
Idea #5:
If you can’t leave the house, and the other options won’t work, just start a breathing exercise. Breath in through your nose deeply, and out through your mouth. Do this while counting to ten and it will really help. I know everyone says “count to ten” or take a few deep breaths, but this will prevent you from saying things you might not mean, or things you would regret later on. It allows you a moment to choose a different way to react to a stormy two year old screaming at the top of your lungs.
Idea #6:
Sometimes, when all of your kids are going off the deep end and having temper tamtrums, it can really be overwhelming. One of my kids might say something really mean (that of course, they don’t really mean or understand, but kids don’t know how to regulate emotion as well as adults do), and it will make me want to cry. In these circumstances, I go to the bathroom or bedroom and I cry. It actually really helps to release the pent up frustration and emotion, and at the end of it, I feel sooo much better.
Back in the “old days”, we were always told to never fight in front of our children or have those “difficult” talks in their presence. I was told to never show emotion in front of my kids, but I don’t listen to that. I think it shows your kids that even as parents, we’re human too. The conversation after is equally or even more important. I think it’s the same concept as explaining to a child why they can’t have something or why you said no. Lessons are valuable. Children need understanding, and this means we need to communicate with them. Without that, they won’t learn and grow to be the kind of humans we want them to be. Remember, we all deserve understanding and respect, no matter our age. Children can be wild and crazy and everything in between, but the scope of our love for them is infinite. Just remember to be kind to yourself as well.
Thank you so much for reading! I hope these ideas have helped you in your own parenting journey!
Love,
SAN ❤️
