Parenting A Child With ADHD
Hello! Welcome back to my blog! Today, I want to discuss my thoughts and my personal struggles with parenting a child diagnosed with ADHD. First, I personally have an issue with labels. Remember, any of the “diagnoses” made by ourselves or doctors are just that - diagnoses and do not take into account the individual. (I.e. Two different children could have the same diagnosis, and it could present completely differently in each child). These labels that we give ourselves are just names to describe a pattern or condition that we repetitively see in living things. (i.e. Someone who cries all the time must be depressed). Humans feel like we need to study and pick apart every little thing there is. Each thing has a name (given by us) so we can talk about it and have a common understanding of what something is and how it presents).
A diagnosis for ADHD isn’t easy. It’s not hard either. Usually the teacher of school age children will notice it first if the parents already haven’t. I actually heard recently that ADHD falls on the Autism Spectrum, but this is not true. If you have one disorder, the chances are higher that you may have the other. I have not done detailed research, but I’m learning different ways and coping mechanisms to make my life easier (for me), for my family and for my ADHD-diagnosed child.
The diagnosis for ADHD cannot be made with any precision. It’s simply a questionnaire filled out by the teacher and caregiver. If the doctor sees a lot of similarities that represent the mental disorder, the doctor states that the person has ADHD. It’s not black and white, and any symptoms are different for each child.
If you look it up online, ADHD is called Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. ADD (Attention deficit disorder is the outdated term for the same disorder). Kids are usually diagnosed once in school, because it’s a lot more noticeable once they have to pay attention and follow directions.
Examples for my child involve not listening, cannot follow instructions or directions and makes careless mistakes. He also has issues with dyslexia. Besides for the popular mistaking “d’s”, “b’s”, and “p’s”, he has poor concentration, difficulty following instructions, and he easily forgets words.
I have struggled more recently since my son has been attending school. I’ve noticed great difficulty in getting him to do anything. Part of me wonders if that’s from ADHD, or him just being a kid. (lol). My greatest concern when he started Grade 1 was the listening factor. My son was born before the hearing test at birth became mandatory. I wondered if maybe he had hearing issues, so I made a specialist appointment through my doctor and found out that his hearing was just fine. (To my utter exasperation!) It’s like we need something to explain away what problems we have in order to feel justified in our feelings. It was at this point I thought something else might be in the works (ADHD), and we made the appointment.
When I first found out, I learned how to become a good communicator with his teacher. Sometimes I found this to be a bit of a struggle. Every teacher is different, and while I’ve never had a teacher not want to work with me and my son, sometimes it feels like some teachers are able to afford more time, and others not. For Kindergarten and Grade 1, my son was on an IPP (Individual Program Plan). This is before we confirmed his ADHD diagnosis. I was a little taken aback that my son was on an IPP, because when kids are in kindergarten, how do you really know? All kids at that age seem crazy. However, it allowed the staff a way to teach my son which was only to his benefit.
Besides for the listening difficulties, (we can call his name about five times before he responds), he also is quick to anger, never falls asleep easily, and gets irritated and frustrated quickly, especially over something he doesn't understand.
Over the years, our way of dealing with his reactions has changed. Since he is my first child, it was really a learning experience, and every new situation took some time to adapt to. At first, it was easy to get angry and over-react because he wasn’t listening. As we went, and learned more about the disorder, we began to realize that routines were key. For our son, keeping to a strict schedule is what’s best because it limits the anxiety he feels with surprise or change. It’s hard sometimes having to explain to other family members about not being able to do certain things because we need to keep a certain routine for our child’s mental health.
Another thing that we find works well is letting him know ahead of time what’s about to happen. (Again, limiting the surprise). Instead of saying “time for bed”, we say “you have ten minutes before you need to get ready for bed” (following the routine). It’s difficult for us, (even though I’m a huge planner), because we always need to be on top of everything all the time, despite our personal struggles we have as adults.
We really try to have as much patience as we can when interacting with our son. Sometimes it’s easy to get frustrated, especially when helping with homework that he doesn't understand. In this, we have a benefit because I am a certified teacher. Teaching is all about giving students different ways or methods to solve problems on their own, and to come to their own conclusions. When I can show my son a new or different method to solve a problem, and it helps him understand better, I feel elated that I was able to help him.
Positivity works some of the time, and distraction is what I tend to use if nothing else is working. If all of a sudden, he’s having a freakout, I distract him with something I know he likes to do, and it takes his mind away from the problem at hand.
I do find it very challenging explaining that I have more issues with my nine year old son sometimes than I do with my other children. (This is putting it mildly as my baby has cystic fibrosis, and my three year daughter is very smart). It’s especially challenging explaining it to family members that don’t see it all the time. Previously, ADD or ADHD was seen as a “make-believe” disorder to accommodate challenging kids. Parents were judged as not being fit parents because they couldn’t even handle their own children. Trust me, this is not the case. Similar to depression, there is much more awareness of this disorder today than there was in the 80’s and even the 90’s.
Thank you so much for reading today’s blog. Please feel free to reach out in the comments, or email me at sandra_carren@hotmail.com if you have comments or questions.
Take care parents!
Sandra
