How To Be Happy
Have you ever encountered someone who always seems happy? They bounce around like a perky little rainbow and sometimes you just want to throttle them? Have you ever considered that maybe it’s just a show, and they are not like that all the time? It’s easy enough to make people believe that you’re happy, but are you truly happy?
Let me let you in on a little secret. No one (I said no one) is happy all the time. And that’s ok. We don’t need to be. So don’t let anyone tell you any different. I was once told that I must be a grumpy person because my mouth shapes down in a resting position. That is something that I can’t change…it’s how I was born and I am ok with it - does it make me unhappy? No, that’s simply how I was born and I’m not about to change it with some ridiculous surgery to make other people happy.
Don’t get caught up in looking for outside sources to find a way to be happy. This includes reading articles such as this one. There are things a person can do to change their mindset, but if you have serious issues, you may need to get clinical help. For instance, I suffer from SAD, seasonal affective disorder. I know this because I suffer from the same effects year after year for pretty much all of my life. It wasn't until I was old enough to read the signs for myself that I came to understand what was happening. This is something that is purely hormonal and seasonal. So, if you are suffering from depression, or anxiety, or other hormonal or serious issues, I would urge you to see a professional. Serious conditions sometimes need medication or therapy to make you feel better and no amount of advice will help.
So, if you have read this far and are looking for tips on how to be happy, here we go!
Don’t worry about what others think.
Ok, I know that you have heard this one before and it is much easier said than done. As we’re growing up and going through adolescence, ALL of us worry about what our peers think because we just want to be accepted. Kids and teenagers have some funny ideas (not just in today’s age, but in ALL ages). At this time in our lives, we are growing and changing so quickly that it’s hard to cope. It’s difficult for kids (especially teenagers) to talk about what they’re going through, and there could be a situational circumstances that kids are going though as well. (Eg. Abuse, divorce, abandonment, etc…)
You don’t really start to understand this until middle adulthood. Usually your early twenties, you are either working so hard that you don’t have time to worry about anything else, or maybe you’re still stuck. Sometimes, worrying about what others think can prevent you from accomplishing anything. (Talking to you, perfectionists and people with OCD). Personally, for me, I stopped caring about other people’s opinions when I had my children, which wasn't until my early 30’s. At that point in my life, it just wasn't about me anymore - it was about these little people. You realize that if people are judging you, it’s not because of who you are, how you were raised, what you look like or anything else. It comes down to how THEY were raised and what they were taught to believe.
Not everyone will like you and that’s ok too.
I’ve had a few experiences in my life where I was in a work environment and the person I was working with didn't like me. It sure made it difficult to enjoy my job, and to act professional but I can tell you that I tried for a very long time. There was one circumstance when the person finally opened up to me and said simply it took time for them to open up, and it seemed we were the best of friends after that.
At other times, I wasn’t so lucky. I usually left my job because it got so bad, and upper management refused to do anything about it. It’s times like these that show who you’re character really is. Either you move on and become happier, or you stay to be a sucker for punishment. This is a time in my life where I learned to stick up for myself and have my own back. For me, in all of these cases, they were other women I was dealing with. At the time, I chalked it up to jealousy. Usually, I was the boss of my department, and someone would want my job. I was always fair and non-judgemental in my dealings, always getting advice from my manager, but I always seemed to get the short end of the stick.
I am finally in a happy place, being my own boss and making my own hours. Since I am the owner and CEO of my business, no one can take that away from me. I am a full time creator and administrator of my own company, and I work very hard for that designation.
Since going through all those scenarios where I actually had to work with people who didn't like me, I realize now that it’s unfair for me to judge. Perhaps they did want my job, but isn’t that what all of us want? To be better, to get more money and more recognition, especially in a work environment? It’s ok if you don’t like someone. What’s not ok is to throw them under the bus or pick on them. It’s never ok to demean another human being, no matter the case. If this is happening to you, and it seems like there’s no other way, move on! You don’t need that in your life!
Be satisfied with what you have
Ok, I know this is a hard one too. We live in a social media society full of pictures and videos showing us the next best thing. Sometimes we can afford those things, sometimes not. And I know that it’s REALLY hard not to get something when you want it. I still struggle with this. But, I am learning to be patient with myself and take care of the things I have so I have them for a long time. I love things, and I’m not a minimalist, despite my current spring clean craze. But, whether I can afford new things or not, I have to ask myself why I feel the need to buy things. I think sometimes buying things gives us this instant moment of satisfaction, and then it becomes a guilty pleasure; a feeling of euphoria. For myself, this feeling lasts when I buy the product and when I’m waiting for it to arrive. Then, as soon as I have it and put it away, I ask myself, “Now what?” Then it’s on to the next thing.
I’ve started out this year with a no spend January and I have to say, I did really, really well. Except for the essentials and food, we never bought a single thing. We didn’t save any money though because we had the barest minimum paid month, but it felt good that I could put the brakes on and control my spending.
I’ve also developed this spring clean craze which I mentioned earlier. It is surprising how many things you didn't know you owned until you start looking! My advice is to start taking a deeper look at your belongings. Can you repurpose something? Ask yourself why you feel the need to constantly buy new things or spend money on things you don’t need. Perhaps it is related to an emotion, and maybe, just maybe, if you deal with that emotion, maybe you can cure the habit.
4. Don’t criticize others; try to be more kind
There are a few times (when I used to buy coffee through a drive-through) that I would purchase the order for the person behind me. I always did it as a surprise, and not all the time. But, the times that I did it, it made me feel so good inside, even if it was only a $1.00 coffee.
How many times have you received a compliment from somebody and it made you happy? Maybe that’s all you could think about for the rest of the day. Or, inversely, if someone said something mean to you, it made you feel like crap and that’s all you could think about all day.
When I worked at my jobs, if I had a crappy day, I would sometimes come home in the worst mood. Then, I would take out my emotion on my family, and that made me feel even worse. I would feel sad or guilty that I yelled or was mean, and that is completely not necessary. Sometimes, if you feel the need to speak up and say something, pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth. If they’re not nice, maybe you should just not say anything at all. Trust me, the saying is true that you get more sugar with honey.
When you criticize, it makes you look bad. It also gives the appearance that you are a very negative person. Even if you can't say anything nice, it’s better to not say anything at all, because people like someone who can listen. When you are silent and let the other person talk, it makes them feel good and feel heard.
5. Enjoy the little things and the small moments
You know how most people work all day, race home from daycare after picking up their kids and then make a quick supper, clean up and put the kids to bed? Stop in the middle of each of those things and take a breath. Smile at everyone you come in contact with. Tell your kids and spouse that you love them. Play with your kids during their bath.
I think most people feel so rushed and busy that they don’t make time for play. Last summer, my husband and I were installing our laminate flooring. All of a sudden, a thunderstorm blew up and it started raining like cats and dogs. We were rushing to get the saws put away, and my mom was like “Hurry! Don’t get caught in the rain”. Well, we did get caught in the rain. We didn’t want the flooring to get wet, so we put it all in the garage and then on the way to the house, we were already soaked so we stood under the down pour that was coming from the rooftop. We grabbed each other, kissed and did a dance in the rain, literally! It was one of my most wonderful memories of that summer.
Simply smiling and breathing deeply sometimes help to make me feel happy. These things are essential to our life as humans, but the simple act of smiling (even when you don’t feel happy) helps to lighten your mood - but you can’t fake it. Think of someone you love and grab that surge of feel-good endorphins and don’t let go!
6. Don’t always look forward to the next big moment in life to make you happy
…because most of the time, you will be disappointed. This is a spin-off from the tip above. So you know how we kind of look forward to the next big thing in life, and the excitement (and/or anxiety) is so great. Usually it’s a big gathering, a birthday, a life event (new baby, anyone?), getting married, the kids moving out, etc…etc…. Well, in my experience, if we only live for those big moments, there’s nothing to carry you in the in-between. It’s like you’re making huge bounds between this thing and that thing. We have these great, wonderful expectations of the “big event” and when we get there, it usually doesn't live up to our expectations.
For me, this happened when I turned 16, when I graduated, when I was old enough to go to night clubs…you get the picture. The events were just that - single events that honestly didn’t last long. It was very similar to the whole buying stuff phenomenon.
7. Don’t depend on someone else to give you happiness.
So I’m not saying this to be mean, or cynical or snide, but the only person you can truly depend on is yourself. Yes, sometimes people can make you happy. But you shouldn’t depend on them to always do so. For example, when you fall in love, your significant other can make you feel happiness, but what happens if the relationship fails and you split up? Can you be happy on your own? Maybe not right away, but you should be able to be happy as a single person.
If you have tried for years to get pregnant or have a baby and then all of a sudden it happens, that’s wonderful. But, (I say this with caution) you should not make having a child the epitome of your happiness. I know because I tried for six years to have our daughter, while I hear other stories of people who try for months and are disappointed that it hasn’t happened yet. Happiness is intrinsic - it can’t be “given” to you by an event, a thing or someone else.
8. Find your passion (even if it takes until you’re 60) and do it as much as you can
Most people switch jobs at least five times in their lives. Most people work at jobs they hate. Crazy, huh? Finding what you love to do takes time, money and effort. It rarely is found in your early adulthood, but if that’s you, I say “cheers!” because it’s really hard to do. I find most people “fall” into their jobs. Either it is what is expected of them, it’s “easy”, it’s what their family did (i.e. family businesses), or, they find work that pays the bills and they never have time, money or energy for job searches, or going to school for something new.
Some people work on their passions as a hobby. I know my Dad loved leatherwork, and he did that in his spare time after working road construction jobs. He also did it in his retirement. My sister is following in his footsteps; working on leatherwork as a hobby. My mom loves to knit, but it would never produce a full time income. I love to draw and paint, but when I was younger, I spent my years working at a grocery store and going to school, always looking for that elusive “dream” job. At first I thought it was something in science, but I realized that was my parents pushing me into school (either that or get a job and move out). My next degree, I thought I wanted to teach, but life got in the way and I had my first baby.
Many years of working at a dead-end job that I hated, I was lucky enough to be supported by my husband and I found my love of art again, and also of being a creator on YouTube. I am doing all the things I’ve aways wanted, but never realized was possible. Lucky enough for me, my hobby of drawing and painting has turned into a full time job for me. It doesn’t feel like work, and that’s the passion I have been missing in my life. I’m very lucky to have found it in my thirties.
9. Idle hands are the devils playground
This is an old proverb meaning that if you have nothing to do, you will more than likely get into trouble. I believe a person should always be busy doing something. Whether that is working at a job, going to school or raising kids. If you are retired, find something to keep busy. I believe a person should always be contributing to society and working on their personal growth because trust me, there is ALWAYS more to learn.
It’s always good to do something with your life. Doing nothing doesn’t make you happy. (We are not talking about a planned vacation here, which is basically taking a break from work). I personally believe someone with extra time on their hands has more time to gripe about their situation or, stir the pot and talk about what others are or not doing. (Everyone does it, but remember, it’s not nice to talk about other people).
Although this is not a comprehensive list, I think this is the most valuable list to intrinsic happiness. Remember, if you need help, please reach out to your medical professionals. Thank you for taking the time to read this today,
Wishing you many years of happiness ❤️ 😃
Sandra
